Just took my morning after pill in the library
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So many bounce houses so little time
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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