I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
