i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
