the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
