So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
