What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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