he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
