it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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