I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sober January is a disaster.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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