There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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