Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
