Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
