You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
