I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
