They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
