problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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