I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
