if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
