so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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