hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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