she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
