I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
