Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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