watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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