i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
