I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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