im about as happy as oj after his trial
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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