I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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