I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
