I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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