I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We left the knife in your bed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
