Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
