So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
