I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
