He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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