he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I smell like Dick and happiness
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