I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???