M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
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