i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
