Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.