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In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.