i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
