I am spending my child support on dildos
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
