take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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