I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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