Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
