officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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