she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
