absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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