Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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