man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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