Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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