peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
