He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
