there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
