A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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