So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
