I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
