she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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