had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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