Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.