Can i not drive my cunt home
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.