atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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