I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
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You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.