Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I supernannyed him into submission
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize