so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
