There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
