he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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