I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's never too late to be topless.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
